Church Hurt
For decades, there have been varying opinions about the “church.” There are those who view Christianity as “the white man’s religion”. Another perspective of the church is that God does not exist and church is a waste of time. Then, there are some who believe pastors or ministers
are crooks or “pimps in the pulpit” due to the extravagant lifestyle of some that have been flaunted on a reality show or current social media videos. Yet, there are those who appear anti- Church, but love God, due to their experiences with “church members.” Finally, there are those who came of age in strict religious homes and experienced the negative impact of placing religion over relationship with Jesus Christ.
What is “Church Hurt”?
The term “church hurt” is derived from an individual, whether a member or visitor of a church, who encounters a church member who verbalize or behaves in a manner that brings harm. These actions, along with others, help to create the negative perception surrounding churches and its members.
More specifically, a member’s words and/or actions activates the recipient’s younger parts that can lead them to experience emotional overwhelm. Shortly thereafter, the individual becomes separated from the only place they were connected to the power source of the true and living God. Unfortunately, the victim of someone else’s hurt subscribes their pain to the “church” and not the individual wielding their emotional scars like a weapon.
To that end, experiencing “hurt” can manifest as emotions, physical sensations, or negative thoughts. I invite you to review the below chart to learn what it looks like when the nervous system is dysregulated:
Biblical Reference
As I reflect on how misunderstandings and assumptions can lead to experiencing a sense of
hurt, my thoughts went to Hannah. So, 1 Samuel 1, introduces us to Hannah, who is married to Elkanah, who had two wives. Hannah had no children and Peninnah had children. Elkanah left his city annually to worship the Lord, in Shiloh, and make his sacrifice as was his custom. When he made offerings, he always gave Hannah a double portion because he loved her and she was without children. Unfortunately, Peninnah purposedly harassed and teased Hannah to the point of misery.
Elkanah expressed his concerns to Hannah about her crying, lack of appetite, and grief and questioned his worth as being more to her than ten sons. Following meal time, Hannah encountered Eli, the priest, at the tabernacle and proceeded to pour her heart out to the Lord in
prayer as he watched. Then, Eli accused Hannah of being drunk. Hannah respectfully informed Eli that she is not a wicked woman, but a grieving one. Eli responded with a religious farewell. Hannah ended the discussion with gratitude and departed with the peace of God. (1
Samuel 1:1-18, NKJV).
Empowerment Point
The church is a place for the spiritually unwell. When we enter into these spaces to worship God, we are walking in burdened with the challenges of life. We are seeking to enhance our relationship with God, learn how to apply biblical principles to our lives, getting to know who we
are and what God purposed us to do, and communicating with fellow believers.
As I reflect on my lived experiences as a church member, having been the recipient of “church hurt”, I want to share that I have repented for my own actions and have learned to apologize if I
perceive my words or actions had been misinterpreted.
Thus, it is during those times of mental and emotional quietness that we are able to engage in self-reflection. While in this process, we may choose to engage in bible reading or prayer to open ourselves up to what God wants to share. This is also a time when we repent for our thoughts, words, and actions that are contrary to His teaching. Simultaneously understanding God’s awareness that we are flawed individuals.
God’s Instructions for Addressing Conflict
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17, NKJV) “Brethren, if a man is [a]overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)
Self-Reflection Questions
▪ If it feels right, I would invite you to notice what you are experiencing in this moment. Are you noticing changes in your thinking? What physical sensations are you experiencing? What emotions are coming up for you?
▪ I invite you to think about the last time you advocated for yourself following feeling the sting someone’s words or actions. What emotions surfaced after your response? Is there anything you would change about your response?
▪ If you are an individual who is not in relationship with God, I invite you to notice what emotions, physical sensations, or thoughts have surfaced?
With all that you may be dealing with, I appreciate your taking the time to read this post.
